Beans beans are the magical fruit the more you eat the more you toot
The more you too the better you feel so lets have beans with every meal
Now some people say beans make you fart all I know is beans keep making me fart
I got beans on my mind almost all the time and they're always coming out of my behind
But that don't matter much to me because beans are the greatest unequivocally

Now back in the west they put beans to the test
Grown men would say they'd put hair on your chest
They'd stay up all night just watching their cows
And eating as many beans as their stomach allowed
Even in the movies John Wayne could be seen
Shooting up the bad guys and eating chilly beans
Now everybody knew that he was good with a gun
But he had a secret weapon that was known to none
Now if the bad guys ever cornered the duke
He turn right around and use his big fart nuke
They'd all collapse because of the smell
Burn up on the spot and go straight to hell
The duke was a legend from his hat to his jeans
But he would've been a wimp if he hadn't ate his beans

Now beans'll go down in history cavemen where eating beans in 1,000,000 BC
In roman times they ate beans in a pot and Alexander the great was said to like 'em a lot
Napoleon, Martin Luther and Henry the eighth even Christopher Columbus thought beans were great
During the French revolution when times were lean Mary Antoinette said let then eat beans
Shakespeare was enjoying a big plate full of beans while writing a midsummer nights dream
And when he unleashed hamlet unto the scene the original words were "to bean or not to bean"

Now beans are loved all around the world in some countries they're worth more than pearls
In Mexico both girls and boys say jumping beans make damn good toys
The Japanese enjoy bean sushi while in England the queen likes beans with her tea
Germans like the beans with the sauerkraut while in Canada they like beans and trout
In Spain they like 'em hot and spicy but the Eskimos prefer 'em kinda cold and icy
France Japan Spain and Italy people eating beans a common sight to see
Except in old Russia where people got pissed cause they couldn't eat beans cause they were communist

I think beans might be an aphrodisiac after a helping of beans girls' jump right in the sack
Beans'll turn couples into real good lovers making love and passing wind underneath the covers
I get up for breakfast but I can't get up to eat cause there's too many farts underneath the sheets
Stinking up my room from wall to wall I have to use about a half a can of Lysol
But if I don't have any I say what the hell cause sometimes when I fart I kinda like the smell