Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)

A festive CYO Party with crepe paper streamers, contestants for the broom dance, the "Hokey Pokey," baked goods, & FATHER RILEY making sure the lights don't go down too low...

Father Riley And Various Party Goers:
Catholic Girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic Girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic Girls
In the Rectory Basement
Father Riley's a fairy
But it don't bother Mary
Catholic Girls
At the CYO
Catholic Girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic Girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?

Joe:
All the way
That's the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-Hip-Hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a Catholic Girl
At the CYO
When they learn to blow...

Father Riley:
They're learning to blow
All the Catholic Boys!

Mary:
Warren Cuccurullo...

Father Riley:
Catholic Boys!

Mary:
Kinda young, kinda WOW!

Father Riley:
Catholic Boys!

Mary:
Vinnie Colaiuta...

Chorus:
Where are they now?
Did they all take The Vow?

Father Riley:
Catholic Girls

Warren:
Carmenita Scarfone!

Father Riley:
Catholic Girls

Officer Butzis:
Hey! She gave me VD!

Father Riley:
Catholic Girls!

Warren:
Toni Carbone!

Chorus:
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go WOW!

Joe:
VD vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a Catholic Girl
With her hand in the box
When she's on her knees

Larry:
She was on her knees,
My little Catholic Girl

Chorus:
In a little white dress
Catholic Girls
They never confess
Catholic Girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic Girls
OOOOOOH!
Catholic Girls
OOOOOOH!
(etc.)

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
Joe had a girl friend named Mary.
She used to go the church club every week.
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think Pure Thoughts
But one night at the Social Club meeting
Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory
In order to get a pass
To see some big rock group for free...